“He made me feel like I was the obstacle between him and his happiness. And yours, as well, but you didn’t come speak to me yourself. You sent a desperate stranger to me blindly, and he was manipulative about it, but I had no indication of your actual thoughts on the matter.”
Annabel shakes her head slightly.
“So I refused to say no, because I thought I had to.”
“He brought up how Amy-you and he had just added Ryja to your marriage and talked about how you miss your daughter and…how the details were different, but you were still the same person. Tried to ask about me and Jon. I didn’t want to talk about that with a stranger. But he got what he wanted from me and left.”
There’s a heavy sigh.
“I don’t like him, River. I can be a manipulative, catty, cruel woman sometimes. But he feels slimy to me.”
Mental note: put all eight of Tarantulas's legs all the way up his ass. All the way.
Steady breath. River pulls back, cups Annabel's cheek. "Okay. That's the end of it with him then. And...before you go thinking I'm just trying to make peace or something...I've been having that worry too. He's. Concerning. Maybe I still love him, I dunno, but I don't think I can be with him. I'm. So sorry that I put you in that position."
“Erik, I could deal with. Hell, up until tonight, I was considering coming to him with some of my…loose feelings about this all. Because he has context for you, at least. Nevermind that, now.”
Annabel lets out a soft sniffle. Damnit, she’s not about to break down.
River murmurs something in her native tongue, nuzzles into Annabel's hair. "I have people to talk to about my relationships," she murmurs. "You need those people too. Maybe you should talk to Erik anyway, y'know? He's...still the man we both know."
"I gotta take care of you too," River murmurs, and with this she pokes Annabel in the ribs. "...Annabel, it's never been about 'enough' or 'not enough', not like that. When I've been scared, it's been...it's been because I'm afraid I can't be right for you, that I won't be able to understand, to help. I know I just said this but I'm gonna say it again - I'm not going to bring someone into your life that you can't respect."
"...Hell, in my perfect world they'd be someone you can be friends with. A blessing on your life. 's. Why I brought up Ryja, at least in part. I really think you're gonna like her a lot. Or. I hope you will."
"I wouldn't say I've been holding back, but part of that's the silly man taking his time with talking to me about what happened. But. I don't know what I'm doing with him. I don't have the words to explain what's going on there. And I've been nervous about exploring the matter."
"Let's get that brandy. Liquid courage." River presses a kiss to Annabel's forehead. "I don't know what I'm doing either, but maybe two heads are better than one."
Which leaves River to get it open. There's a not reducible amount of Knife in this process. "You know," she sorta-kinda grunts. "I forgot that there's fancy brandy? Quartermasters cut the water with the stuff, keeps it potable, shoulda seen the poor shopkeeper when I asked for brandy you don't do that with. Think I lost like fifteen minutes explaining its logistical use just so I didn't leave with her thinking I'm a lush."
"So you've never had the good stuff before? This will be a treat." She brings the cups over, along with some mildly stale croissants she'd intended to eat for breakfast and...just...never got around to?
"I'm supposed to be a rum kinda lass, by family tradition, but you know where it's hard to find rum? Giant holes in the ground. Still never had it." Her necromancer cred, it's in shambles. River pours, and lifts her cup for a toast. "To actually saying what we feel?"
"I mean...maybe? I'm kinda wondering if you've actually been making friends. And, well. I never did try to explain anything but Tarantulas." River takes her sip and LOOK AT HER EARS ANNABEL THEY'RE SO HAPPY WITH THIS BRANDY - "Not sure I know how, though. Wish my sister was here. She's got a way with words."
"I'm gonna try to express something, and it's gonna. Take a minute." River sips at her drink, staring at the brandy with intense concentration, but take heed: despite how hard she's thinking, River is still relaxed, her ears bobbing faintly. She's safe here. Something has been lifted from River, having these things out in the open.
A nod. At length, River puts her cup down, and closes her eyes. "I'm scared to die," she admits quietly. "Shit thing for a necromancer to be scared of, I know, but I am. You haven't seen it yet but there's a scar on my stomach...spear through the guts, I had no right to live. Still get nightmares, I hate it, but being alive, doing alive-person things, they help. Work, cuddling Eddie's chickens, a stiff drink, a good meal, sex...they stave off the fear."
"But you and Erik feel like home. That make any sense?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 11:09 am (UTC)Annabel shakes her head slightly.
“So I refused to say no, because I thought I had to.”
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 11:16 am (UTC)There’s a heavy sigh.
“I don’t like him, River. I can be a manipulative, catty, cruel woman sometimes. But he feels slimy to me.”
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 11:24 am (UTC)Steady breath. River pulls back, cups Annabel's cheek. "Okay. That's the end of it with him then. And...before you go thinking I'm just trying to make peace or something...I've been having that worry too. He's. Concerning. Maybe I still love him, I dunno, but I don't think I can be with him. I'm. So sorry that I put you in that position."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 11:32 am (UTC)Annabel lets out a soft sniffle. Damnit, she’s not about to break down.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 06:39 pm (UTC)She hopes.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 06:47 pm (UTC)It seems no work is getting done right now. Which is alright, she accounted for emergencies.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 06:53 pm (UTC)"...Hell, in my perfect world they'd be someone you can be friends with. A blessing on your life. 's. Why I brought up Ryja, at least in part. I really think you're gonna like her a lot. Or. I hope you will."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 07:18 pm (UTC)Pause.
"- love, please tell me you haven't been holding back with Jon for my sake."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 07:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 07:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 04:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:34 am (UTC)"I'm usually good with words, but I don't have the full grasp on all the concepts in play, and that's the problem."
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:48 am (UTC)Because she's at ease, too. Even hearing something mangled and rough is tolerable, in this moment.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 06:04 am (UTC)"But you and Erik feel like home. That make any sense?"
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 06:07 am (UTC)And the 'us', that comes so easy, so naturally. Erik, at least, Annabel Lee has accepted as part of River's life and support network.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 06:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 06:10 am (UTC)And then she dissolves into giggles.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: