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[witheredpeonies]

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[somebodychildofanyone]

"...My thoughts hadn't gotten nearly that far, no."

Can you hear the guilt over her tunnel vision? Is it audible?

[witheredpeonies]

"I only got there because I have a little distance from the matter." Annabel turns, wrapping both arms around River gently. "And it's not really important to how you're feeling right now, is it?"

[somebodychildofanyone]

"No, it doesn't," River admits. "...But what I meant was...I dunno. I feel like I'm at your door a lot in pieces an' haven't. Given you that back. And now I'm here again. I've been falling apart for the last two fuckin' months, with the dream and the...the everything, and..." Deep breath in. Long breath out. "You're real good to me, y'know that?"

[witheredpeonies]

Annabel doesn't give that an immediate response aloud, instead just. Squeeeeeezing on River. Not hard enough to hurt, but a little like a child with a stuffed animal.

[somebodychildofanyone]

The noise River makes isn't happy, exactly, but it's something good. She nuzzles into Annabel, and relaxes, if only some.

If only.

"...In. Happier news, I found Ryja. From the dream. I think you'll like her. It's hard not to like her. So it's not all bad, it's just."

"...A lot. Everything is a lot."

[witheredpeonies]

“Oh.”

That isn’t the disinterested sound of a spouse pretending to listen to your recounting of your work day over dinner. But it is somehow hollow, all the same. And then Annabel realizes that’s the wrong reaction, and tries to cover it.

“I mean, that’s great for you, isn’t it? You found both your spouses and can reconnect and…and…”

[somebodychildofanyone]

"...Annabel. What's on your mind?"

Both her spouses...except...

Ryja is basically Ryja. Tarantulas is not basically Taran, and the differences are nagging at River. His odd behavior at the gathering was extremely concerning...

[witheredpeonies]

“Are you going to send her to find me and ask me to give my permission to court you, like you did with Tarantulas? I didn’t tell him no; I won’t tell her no, either.”

She’s gone tense, both in her body and in her voice.

“I know you’re polyamorous. You don’t need to parade your partners before me for my approval. I get it, I’m not enough for you. Take whatever lovers or partners you need.”

[somebodychildofanyone]

"Annabel -" River disengages from her lover's embrace and turns -

She looks mortified with guilt, and takes the ghost's hands in a gentle grip. "...That's not what I meant when I sent him, and - and - Wren fucking damn me, love, how long have you felt that way?"

[witheredpeonies]

Annabel cannot bring herself to make eye contact with River at all.

“A…while? I mean, it’s fine. It’s fine, if that’s what it takes. If I have to share you with everyone, to call you mine sometimes.”

[somebodychildofanyone]

It is Annabel's turn to be held; River buries her face in the seamstress's shoulder, pointed ears flat against her skull. "I'm so damn bad at this," the elf whispers. "...You're not lacking, Annabel. You aren't...you aren't not enough, and I'm so sorry. I'm so. Godsdamned sorry that I've been hurting you."

[witheredpeonies]

Annabel doesn’t know what to say, so she…just doesn’t say anything, because she doesn’t understand. There is a hell of a lot she doesn’t understand right now.

But she’s being held and that matters most, right? And maybe River will explain or contextualize or something, somehow.

[somebodychildofanyone]

River really wants that drink about now but it's still the middle of the business day so that's not happening.

"...Can I explain the Tarantulas thing? It's. The part that makes sense in my head."

The question is so small.

[witheredpeonies]

“Sure. Yes. Please explain. And then I’ll tell you how it felt to me.”

She doesn’t quite physically brace herself. Quite.

[somebodychildofanyone]

"I was trying to...give you a say? To..." Faint, musical swearing. "I'm not gonna be with someone who won't treat you or Erik with respect. Someone you won't accept, I wanted to know he'd make the effort, be respectful. When I didn't hear back I thought it must have went well..."

"...It didn't go well, did it?"

[witheredpeonies]

“He made me feel like I was the obstacle between him and his happiness. And yours, as well, but you didn’t come speak to me yourself. You sent a desperate stranger to me blindly, and he was manipulative about it, but I had no indication of your actual thoughts on the matter.”

Annabel shakes her head slightly.

“So I refused to say no, because I thought I had to.”

[somebodychildofanyone]

"He. What."

[witheredpeonies]

“He brought up how Amy-you and he had just added Ryja to your marriage and talked about how you miss your daughter and…how the details were different, but you were still the same person. Tried to ask about me and Jon. I didn’t want to talk about that with a stranger. But he got what he wanted from me and left.”

There’s a heavy sigh.

“I don’t like him, River. I can be a manipulative, catty, cruel woman sometimes. But he feels slimy to me.”

[somebodychildofanyone]

Mental note: put all eight of Tarantulas's legs all the way up his ass. All the way.

Steady breath. River pulls back, cups Annabel's cheek. "Okay. That's the end of it with him then. And...before you go thinking I'm just trying to make peace or something...I've been having that worry too. He's. Concerning. Maybe I still love him, I dunno, but I don't think I can be with him. I'm. So sorry that I put you in that position."

[witheredpeonies]

“Erik, I could deal with. Hell, up until tonight, I was considering coming to him with some of my…loose feelings about this all. Because he has context for you, at least. Nevermind that, now.”

Annabel lets out a soft sniffle. Damnit, she’s not about to break down.

[somebodychildofanyone]

River murmurs something in her native tongue, nuzzles into Annabel's hair. "I have people to talk to about my relationships," she murmurs. "You need those people too. Maybe you should talk to Erik anyway, y'know? He's...still the man we both know."

She hopes.

[witheredpeonies]

"I might. But I'm not going looking for him right away. I have important things to take care of right now. Like you."

It seems no work is getting done right now. Which is alright, she accounted for emergencies.

[somebodychildofanyone]

"I gotta take care of you too," River murmurs, and with this she pokes Annabel in the ribs. "...Annabel, it's never been about 'enough' or 'not enough', not like that. When I've been scared, it's been...it's been because I'm afraid I can't be right for you, that I won't be able to understand, to help. I know I just said this but I'm gonna say it again - I'm not going to bring someone into your life that you can't respect."

"...Hell, in my perfect world they'd be someone you can be friends with. A blessing on your life. 's. Why I brought up Ryja, at least in part. I really think you're gonna like her a lot. Or. I hope you will."

[witheredpeonies]

"I hope so, too. But don't send her to me blindly, please." Huff-puff. "Also, I think I'm declaring lunch break. Or drink break, as the case may be."

[somebodychildofanyone]

"Mmm. Yeah, okay," River agrees in a warm voice. "But can I hear more of what's -"

Pause.

"- love, please tell me you haven't been holding back with Jon for my sake."